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  • Ryoga

How to Make Your Children Study: Provide Them the Value

Updated: Dec 21, 2023

A teenage delinquent wearing glasses is studying and reading a textbook

Perhaps you're struggling to instill discipline in your children's study habits. No matter how many times you encourage them, it seems they prefer playing video games rather than studying, resulting in lower grades and poor exam scores. This naturally raises concerns about their future. You may want them to pursue a degree, but they show no interest in attending university and don't seem motivated to even graduate from high school. In this article, I'll explain the reasons behind their lack of motivation to study. I can offer insights on this topic because I was once just like them – a low-achieving student who had no interest in studying but eventually transitioned to a phase of continuous learning in my twenties.

Why Your Children Don't Listen to You or Show Any Interest in Studying?

Understand How They Feel

Your children's lack of enthusiasm for studying isn't always about defiance. It could simply be that they don't yet see the 'value' in studying. However, if you keep telling them to study, it annoys them. Of course, that they might not be enthusiastic about studying when their parents keep emphasizing the importance of going to university and finding a job. If it seems like your children are annoyed by you, why would they listen to you? In some cases, your children might be resisting studying as a reaction to their parents.

They Don't Know the Value of the Study

if they genuinely love you but still refuse to study, it's because they don't see the 'value' in studying. No matter how many times you stress the importance of studying, they won't budge. It's crucial to understand that they don't see the value in earning good grades on exams. So, what you need to do is find ways to provide value.

Reflecting on Your Study Habits

Did you enjoy studying when you were their age? Most likely, you didn't. What kind of people like to study? Most of us prefer lounging on a couch and watching movies. At this point, your children may feel the same way; they might see studying as pointless. They feel confident about their future, believing they can achieve anything without hitting the books. It's more enjoyable to hang out with friends and feel a sense of power in those friendships, and perhaps, they might even be a bit disgusted by their parents constantly pushing them to study and worrying about their future, which they didn't even ask for.

How I Came to Realize the Value of Learning

Hated Study

I never got grades from exams, and my attitude about studying was a waste of time. So, how did I transform my perspective on learning from being meaningless to valuable? It all changed when I realized that knowledge and skills can greatly impact my life. I never took English classes seriously during my school years. As a result, I didn't know any English even after graduating from high school. However, a life-changing experience happened when I took on a high school graduation trip to the Philippines with two friends.

Realization of the Value of Learning

In the Philippines, everyone spoke English, but we found ourselves completely unable to understand what people were saying. This prompted us to hire a tour guide who can communicate in English and translate into Japanese. It was a pivotal moment for me. The ability to communicate in another language was undeniably impressive. Since English is a universal language, I recognized its importance in international travel. It made me want to learn English, connect with people from all around the world, and make friends.

That day marked the beginning of my journey into serious study. The following year, I left my home country to immerse myself in learning English. I entered a language school and studied first time as seriously as ever in my life, I refrained from speaking my native language, and limited contact with friends and family to avoid using my native language. It’s because I had come to understand the 'value' of learning English and how it could change my life.

People's Influence

When I completed the language school program, I traveled across two continents and met many knowledgeable and experienced people. Their wisdom and insights inspired me to strive to become like them. I began to read books voraciously, recognizing the ‘value’ of continually expanding my knowledge.

The influence of others plays a crucial role in motivating your children to study. We tend to admire those we aspire to become like, and your children need to find their own role models."

Offering the Value of Learning to Your Children

Since most young adults don't even know what they want to do. It's hard for teenagers to make decisions about their future. It would be best if you encouraged your children to learn valuable skills. Instead of telling them to study everything, focus on helping them find one particular area of interest. This can open up opportunities for their future.

For those who don't like to study, let them try to explore their interests. These are the kind of kids who might be potentially interested in starting a business, traveling abroad, or engaging in sports (speaking from my own experience). Provide them with opportunities to experience these pursuits.

For example,

  • If they show an interest in starting a business, introduce them to dropshipping.

  • If they have an interest in sports, let them in a gym or sports club.

  • If your budget permits, consider letting them travel abroad during a semester break

Once they engage in these activities that's exactly what they are interested in. They will likely realize that to enhance their abilities, they need to learn and study in a more focused manner.

For instance,

  • if they delve into dropshipping, they might find the need to explore business psychology.

  • If they delve into sports, they might take an interest in nutrition.

  • If they love to explore other countries, they might focus on learning new languages.

Influence From Others

People around us have a significant influence on our lives. If you believe that your children's friends are leading them down a path you disapprove of, simply telling your children to 'stop hanging out with them' is unlikely to be effective. If someone were to tell you that your best friend is a bad person, would you believe it and cut ties with them? Most likely, not. The same principle applies to children; they may respond with, 'What do you know about my friends?'

Attempting to get rid of your children's friends from their lives can exacerbate the situation. Whether their friends have a positive or negative influence, your children must come to their realizations about their friendships. This process shouldn't be dictated by parents. But you can still support your children by allowing them the space to discover their own role models.


If your goal is for your children to 'improve their grades in every subject,' the methods I described earlier may not be effective for them. What I am emphasizing is the importance of helping them understand the 'value of learning' rather than focusing on achieving high grades at school.

Once again, simply instructing your children to 'do this' and 'don't do that' is unlikely to change their mindset. Instead, you can play a pivotal role in helping them recognize the intrinsic value of studying and how it can significantly benefit their lives.


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